Dateline : Las Vegas

As I walk the streets of Vegas, I have noticed a growing epidemic. I think there may be some sort of bug living in Las Vegas that eats clothing. Because when I am on the strip it seems that no one's clothing fits them. So it must be a bug, no one would pack clothes that don't fit on purpose,
would they?

Let's take you to a place just north west of the strip called Summerlin. Today I decided to get a bite to eat at a restaurant. I picked a seat that faced the door, so I can see who enters and walks by.  So a mother and her daughter walk in. The first thing I notice is the difference in clothing selection. (Thank goodness, don't you think the old mother dressing the same as the teenager daughter is
wrong!) The mother was dressed in what I would consider an over conservative outfit. No makeup and  no desire to impress anyone. On other words the mother of a teenage daughter. (I can't
imagine how hard it would be having  a daughter much less a teenage daughter!)

The daughter, or perhaps the young street walker. Now not to be a dirty old man, but this is a blog and you expect no less. But sometimes it is nice to notice a pretty lady. Sometimes she is 21, or you like to convince yourself she is. This was not the case. This was the oh my god, who let their
daughter out of the house looking like that. The girl plops down in a seat right across from me. She makes such a scene about sitting down, I couldn't help but look up.

Yup , this is where I confirm there must be some sort of fabric eating bug. Her mom should spray the house for them.  The girls skirt, could have been used as a belt in its former life. Her jean skirt barley covered anything while she was standing. When she sat down, it covered less. Now I ran a fully nude strip club and saw girls who wore more clothes then this girl. As she sat down the skirt actually
did become a belt and the bright purple panties became evident. Now feeling like a dirty old man for noticing, I felt obligated to get up and move to another corner of the restaurant. As the whole place was empty of customers besides us and a dirty old man that was enjoying checking her out.  (He was like 1000 years old so god bless him, hopefully is heart held out long enough to get home.) So the girl never pulls down her skirt. But this wasn't her only problem. Her shirt seemed painted on and the pushup bra seemed to be pushing everything way up. I am surprised she didn't have to push them down in order to eat.  

Young ladies and makeup. If your mom doesn't wear it, you should be educated by someone who knows how to apply it. Eighty's rock videos is not a good place to learn. I suggest going to the MAC counter and having one of those ladies teach you what looks right and what looks like a reject hooker
from the seventies.  The girl had red lipstick so bright that you really couldn't notice anything else on her face. It is great if you are trying to look like a rockabilly pin up girl. But she over shot the mark and just looked like a little kid who grabbed her mom's bedroom lipstick.

So enough about trollops back to this clothing eating bug. I have been guilty of wearing clothes that give me a peek a boo midriff. But my wife quickly points out that no one but her likes to see my big belly jiggling down the street.  She also points out that me bending over showing some rear cleavage may not be as sexy as a pretty girl in low rise jeans.  My wife loves me, and does not let me out in such clothes.

Now I understand if you had some type of surgery that you may want to highlight the assets you just purchased it is understandable. But not all curves need to highlighted. Take me for example if I walked down the street in spandex. You might cringe and not worry about eating lunch. I know
this and I spare your eyeballs by not doing that. But for some reason people feel the need to walk down the streets of Vegas  in a shirt that one can only assume used to be a full length at one time, and is now only covering half of what it should. The other thing is Juicy means two different things. An athletic woman with a shapely butt, those words might be attractive. If you are overweight and one can not determine where your butt starts, the word juicy, may not be the message you want to send. Rule of thumb if they make it in a size XS with a cute logo, it will not be so cute in 2XL.

Another rule of thumb, if Superman does not need his x-ray vision to see you intimately the bug may have struck.  You may want to consider what you are wearing. As a dirty old man in training, I do appreciate the pretty girl walking by. But leaving it to my imagination is what makes me a dirty old man in training. If I can see everything that just makes me a victim of a flasher. So before you stick a fork in your eye because you have seen my wonderful plumber impersonation without my asking. Just know that I do try to prevent that intimate knowledge you now share with me.

This bug is being transmitted via the internet at an alarming rate. What happens in Vegas, normally stays in Vegas. But with people posting pictures of themselves in Vegas, now everyone knows about this fabric shortage happening . Then they rush down here and lose their shirts as well.