She Found Out My Secret Identy!

So every superhero has a heroine. I am no different. It was 14 years ago when I met my wonderful wife. Though with all relationships ours started off with more stress than most. First we worked together and she was my boss.  Now that might sound sexy, but when you are a bouncer dealing with emotionally charged situations it can be quite stressful afterwards when you get home. Did I mention for the first six years we lived together and worked together 24 hours a day. When I became her boss I thought the stress levels would decrease after all at work I am right regardless. Well at home, not so much!  But let me start at the beginning of this unlikely relationship.

I showed up at a club that some friends owned. My wife was a waitress being trained for a manger position. She hated the fact that I was able to walk into the club and do whatever I wanted like I owned the place.  She hated the fact that none of the managers cared that I hit on the girls, and that I was allowed to help count out at the end of the night to speed everyone along. A job which she was
being taught how to do. In her eyes I was some asshole that needed to go and stay away from her territory.

One day my future wife's car broke and she was forced to walk to work, which did not bother her
as she did not live to far away. Well I got out of work early and headed over to the club. As the end of the night came and I was there flirting with girls and when I struck out, I decided to help count out before going to breakfast.  The owners wife asked if I could run a girl home after count out. It was never a problem so I was more than happy to do it. Who knows maybe this damsel in distress was hot and would  want a knight in shining armor. Hey it could happen I have seen it on TV. So to my surprise it was the angry little pixie who wanted me to die a horrible death for being alive. So my fantasies were quickly dashed. It was even worse that I offered out of the kindness of my heart and this bitch was kicking and screaming and protesting  going with me. In fact she arguing that she would rather walk home in the rain. The owner's wife swore I was a flirt but a good guy none the less, then implied that she had no choice in the matter.  (YEAH FOR ME! A girl was being forced to ride with me. There goes the rest of my self-esteem!)  So this mean spirited pixie sucked it up and
got in my car. She was trying to be polite, so I kept my sharp wit holstered.  So I get her to her house and she offers to buy me breakfast. I declined knowing she wanted nothing to do with me. She insisted that she was honor bound to buy breakfast.  I figured why not what else could go wrong.
So she ran inside and got her boyfriend so all three of us could get a bite to eat at Denny's , the world's worst restaurant.

So as she comes running back in the rain with her boyfriend, I realized, yes it can get worse. Not only do I know her boyfriend but I think he is the biggest waste of flesh on god's green earth. This is going to be a horrible night, but hopefully I can get through it without beating his ass. It is bad form to kick the living hell out of the boyfriend of the girl buying breakfast. Though it would be a favor to humanity and would make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. So thinking about this made me happy.

As we sit down at Denny's we start talking. The boyfriend is playing a pissing contest with me. At one point you I felt that he was going to want to measure each other's manhood to see who the bigger man was. Every comment he made I shut down. Situations he spoke of, I was there and it did not go the way he said. It is hard to be a bad ass boyfriend with a guy at the table who is holding himself back from kicking the shit out of you.  As I told stories he was trying to fit the whole meal he had order in his mouth at one time. (Did this man know how to chew food? Has he ever ate in public? This was gross! I should beat him now, before he gets a second attempt at eating.) Instead I of eating him now I felt sorry for this poor little punk rock pixie. Was she so down on herself that this was the best she thought she could do. No wonder she is such a bitch, look what she has to live with. I noticed she was staring at me intently as I told bouncer stories, and tales of my adventures.  It was almost as she forgot about her boyfriend, who was giving me his best evil stare as the crumbs of food feel from his open maw.  After everything I took them home.

A few weeks later I was let go from my job. Amazingly enough it was for being accused of doing something that I didn't do. But me and the owner of that club were not getting along for a while and it was time to move on. So I went to my friend who hired me that moment. I started the next day.
Sitting down at my position I called the bar and asked for a soda.  As the waitress made her rounds, she finally got to me. To her horror and my surprise it was that little pixie girl, in a very cute outfit I may add.  She nearly spilled my drink on me as she was trying to spit out the words "What the hell are you doing here?" I smiled at her and gave her a tip and continued working ignoring her question. Bouncers generally were too cheap to tip the waitresses but I knew how it worked if you wanted good service you tipped.

New bouncers at a strip club are like fresh meat in a lion's den. The girls are eager to see who gets first bite.  I knew this game as I worked at this club once before. The owner had strict rules no dating! But I knew if I flirted and suggested that I would be interested in doing things outside the club, I got
really good tips.  Well I noticed that cute pixie rubbing her shoulder. I offered to rub out the knot she had. In doing so I found out that she was sensitive to my touch. In fact she became very flustered around me and started spilling drinks and having problems talking. Though she spent a lot of time near my posts. I enjoyed the company and it helped fend off some of the scarier and predatory strippers.

In walks to owners wife and tells me to take that cute little pixie to breakfast. I inquired about the owner's rule. The answer came back with I am the owner's wife and I make the rules. I said sure I will ask her. The pixie didn't even let me finish the statement before saying yes. 

So it turned out that we had a lot in common.  She had been married for a few years. She had gone to many places I had worked for five years before we finally met.  So after a week or so of sleeping with each other she realized something.  She had gone to a nightclub with some friends and they were outside debating if they were going to come in when some asshole bouncer came out and screamed at her. She vowed that if she ever saw that asshole again she would give him a piece of
her mind. To her surprise she had just slept with him.  After she was done hitting me and yelling at
me we had a good laugh.

A few weeks later a second large surprise happened. She found out she was pregnant. This was impossible because the doctors said she could not have a child plus she was on birth control. Not to mention I always used birth control as well.  First doctor had the conception date wrong. So she did the noble thing and gave me flowers while having two bouncers stand guard over her as she broke up with me.  I explained I was on this roller coaster ride, and had no intention of getting off. If it got to scary, I would tell her.  It wasn't till the next appointment that we saw the ultrasound and the doctor confirmed D was my son.

We now had to come out publically in the club that we were an item. There went my good tips. It was nice because I never had a girlfriend before. Or at least one that lasted more than a week or two. (Suggestion: Try a normal girl first - Pregnant girls are a bit tricky to understand!) For the
next nine months my lovely expanding pixie had broken up with me every day.

I guess after nine months of her breaking up with me, she gave up and realized I wasn't going anywhere. After my son was born we became inseparable.The three amigos  against the world.  Shortly after my son was born, we got married but that is a story for another day!

Usually when asked how I got so lucky to have married such a wonderful woman. I simply reply I clubbed her over the head and drug her back to my cave. UG UG SHE IS MINE NOW!

Though quietly in my thoughts as I think of my wife, I can not think of life without my little punk rock pixie. I know that the closet I will ever get to heaven is knowing that I married an Angel!